Jan 23rd / 17
I was wondering what I could give out into the community from me to you, to ring in 39 years. In thinking this over, I started thinking about pm’s, comments & emails that I’ve received just in this new year alone from many of you with a reoccurring theme that in some way, the sender didn’t feel good enough. Having been sharing on this page since 2012, I’ve been searching my memory bank for something, something new that I could remember that would touch those feeling a little lost on their journey to provide hope & comfort. After sitting still in the quiet ( it’s now 1:46 am Sunday ) I decided to instead share some of my right now journey and things learned along the way.
Like all days recently, I couldn’t move very well this am, I was hurting and it made me think about how life can be so funny, for so many years, I couldn’t find the courage to break the cycle of self sabotage with food, I didn’t want to admit to myself where I had ended up as a result or how low I was in self love & belief, how could I have been ” that word ” (( depressed )) while being so blessed. I started to make changes in late 2011, this began by first building my inner foundation *self love started with self like * Self belief started with putting in the work and eventually, I was seeing my capabilities *Self Respect started by showing up for myself like I would a family member or friend – with all this, the main foundation was knowing I was created by God and the best thank you to God from me was to shine out who he created me to be. Here I am now, it’s not a choice that I make not to be as active like pre 2011 but that I can’t. My mind drifts at times, why didn’t I start sooner, why can’t I be more now so I could make a bigger impact in the lives of others ( this may be online social media but I carry you all with me every day, I consider it an honor and blessing to help even in the most smallest of ways ) when these thoughts of not being ( enough ) creep in, I quickly remind myself the importance of the journey, how God has a plan that I don’t need to understand and I make a choice to find the good and celebrate gratitude. I want to speak specifically to those who may feel like a failure, alone, ashamed, not good enough
*** Failure – Oh my goodness, I have gotten back up on that horse so many times in my life that the horse is on strike, even now sharing on my social platforms and as a certified life coach, at times as mentioned above, I wish I could be more for people, wish I could jump in and fix broken hearts & spirits. I will say that I have learned in those pivotal moments to remember that my journey and story is meant to reach specific people, people I would never reach without having experienced the struggles – from this perspective, my struggles have actually been life lessons…. some lessons I cherish and some, I’m happy to have learned & moved on from
*** Alone – I remember pre journey what it felt like to be surrounded by many and still feel alone, on this side of growth, I now know it was a self made protection room I created for fear of judgement.
*** Ashamed, I shared once how pre journey I was out with my husband and we ran into a co worker and how in that moment I was SO ashamed, I was also embarrassed for my husband. My heart now hurts for this younger me. How awful to be ashamed of who you are because of how you look & I won’t lie, I’ll work on that forever. If you feel this way, I know that it impacts all your life so remember, YOU, your family & friends deserve to enjoy the real you, the YOU that is a child of God, created in his image and amazing, wonderful & beautiful just the way you are ! I touched on failure above. My point is, we ALL face these things in life, even those of us who help others overcome, we each have our own journey of overcoming ! To anyone just starting out with activity feeling ashamed of what your accomplishments are, please know, I’ve run two half marathons, up until a year ago my @fitbit was a constant 20k per day and now there are good days with this chronic pain that are 3k – If I allowed myself to dwell on that, I would feel terrible but that wouldn’t be fair to myself – I need to live my best life based on who I am NOW, not on who I was !! I may not always feel great physically, but I’ll tell you, my mind, my inner spirit, is better at 39 than it has been all my life and that’s because of all the inner work I’ve done and for me, it’s what matters most. In closing, no matter where you are on this journey, you are not alone and you need not feel ashamed, how beneficial do you think it is to start on a new journey feeling ashamed with those inner voices telling you constantly all that you believe you’re not …. I at times wish I had flashier, eye catching things to share, I know that’s excited to see but at the end of the day, I have to be me and share my journey accurately – my journey isn’t about losing weight but yet gaining life and ( real ) isn’t always flashy. Know this, at the ” real ” table, there is room for everyone to also come just as they are…. appreciated & loved. I want you to share on this page, confident, feeling safe knowing it’s my privilege to celebrate ALL your accomplishments with you, no matter where you are on your journey !!! ❤️💕❤️💕 ~ Sara