It was like most summer mornings, I woke up early and the house was silent, all you could hear was the buzzing of the fans left on all night. Outside, the wind was blowing in the trees, the yard was already busy with summer bugs and birds…..majestic ! Within moments, one of the dogs heard I was up, which signaled our other dog, which woke our boys and within moments, the quiet turned into what I can imagine happens when a director says ACTION !! I had to smile and laugh because I remembered when school went back last summer and how the house went from the ACTION level 24 / 7 to completely quiet and how I missed all the action and how quiet can be nice for 5 minutes but after that, who needs quiet…Ok, 30 minutes can be nice from time to time.
Thinking it over, within a blink of an eye, our boys will grow, move out and start their own family and the house will be void of their little, loud voices and rambunctious ways, things will stay clean and tidy longer without imprints left all over as a constant reminder of memory building, life being enjoyed in our home …just typing this places an ache and sadness in my heart.
Come the afternoon, I was working outside, expecting a baby in November, I am careful to take my time and rest when needed meaning I am constantly in and out of house. My 7 year old has taken to be very aware of where mommy is, wanting to make sure I am safe and mark it down, 5 seconds after the door closes behind me, I will hear ” MOMMY….WHERE ARE YOU ” and it’s best if he sees me when he opens the door, otherwise the dogs get involved and bark at his calling out. I remember taking a deep breath at around the 5th time ” I am here Joshua….mommy is fine and I am not going anywhere ” that’s all he needed and he was off happy as a lark. As I left the house for the yard around the 6th time, I heard nothing, not a voice, not a dog, not a nothing and my heart felt sad, in that moment, I missed the amazing awesome caring side of my son, the side that reminds me he is only 7 and that I am important and needed…THANK THE LORD, he was just in the bathroom and missed me going out and thus the production was only delayed 🙂
As parent’s, we never know when the last of anything will be, things that seem in the moment to possibly drive us crazy like the never ending ” why ” ” what if ” ” have you ” ” can I ” ” why not ” wha cha doing ” along with the beautiful running up and kissing with chocolate 5 seconds after you are finally clean, the cuddles in bed, the want of a bed time story, holding hands, asking if friends can come over, shopping for clothes, whatever it may be… it all ends with no warning. I really work hard to make sure that every moment is taken in, filed away and absorbed, just in case it’s the last time. Like all of us, I know I am not perfect at this and in truth, I have found that the more perfect I try to be, the more I fall on my face but if I ever wanted to be perfect at anything, truly GREAT, this would be it, because it would mean to be present, truly involved in every moment and what better gift can you give those you love, then letting them know they have someone who truly, deeply cares, this is something I want to give those I love, my children.